Apology Denied  


"To Err is Human, to Forgive, Divine"

We've all heard this quote by the English poet, Alexander Pope. Humans do make mistakes in life. Our words and actions can result in pain for others and for ourselves. Making amends with those with whom we've slighted can be healing and transformative to our spirits.

This path becomes difficult when estrangement enters the equation. What do you do when you have a desire to apologize, but your attempts at reconciliation are shunned? What then? I wondered previously what constitutes forgiveness in my post called "bad blood." Does it take two people to fulfill the act of forgiveness? What happens if one party denies the other the opportunity to apologize?

I am speaking of a situation where both people are still living, but one is choosing to completely shut the other out for reasons of their own choosing. Maybe it's two family members who have had a disagreement. Perhaps it's a romantic relationship that has hit the rocks. Maybe former friends are fighting over something that one of them sees as "unforgivable".

What does that mean? "unforgivable"? Is anything really truly unforgivable? I've heard accounts of a murder victim's family forgiving the killer. Why do they do this? Is it because they don't want to harbor the anger and resentment in their being, so they release it through this process of forgiveness?

Speaking personally, it troubles me deeply when there exists any echoes of disaffection with another in my life. I choose to be friends with everyone I meet. Now, does that mean they will all like me back? Perhaps not. But I see nothing wrong with having the desire for persistent friendship.

Sometimes two people can "agree to disagree" on a subject. They may not see eye-to-eye, but at least they arrived at that understanding together. What becomes more painful to the heart is to be denied the opportunity to apologize and clear the air. Wounds are not allowed the closure they need, festering openly. Ignoring or hiding from it, doesn't promote healing. In fact, it may result in apathy and indifference that can be as destructive as intentions of ill will.

If you are able to arrive at some sort of understanding, with levels of compassion and empathy then you'll certainly be able to allow forgiveness to occur. It is recognized that these are not easy things to do. Love, understanding, compassion and empathy (L.U.C.E.) are powerful emotional actions of the human heart. The acronym LUCE ('luce' is Latin for 'light') can help us remember to shine our best on a gloomy situation. Negative feelings, creeping in the shadows can't stay hiding if we illuminate the darkness with our Hearts filled with LUCE.

My sincere wish is for peace and healing to occur on all levels of life, be it personal human relationships or centuries long strife and struggle among nations and their peoples.

Whatever "Err" has occurred that weighs heavy on your mind, bring it Love, understanding, compassion and empathy. You may learn that when you let your Light shine forth, you have a power to heal that is truly Divine.

Be Blessed!

- Dallas

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1 comments: to “ Apology Denied

  • 4/19/08, 10:42 PM  

    Forgiveness comes, say of a murderer, from the release of the resentment by the one hurt. I can forgive but forget - not so much. It's a letting go of one's angst over a situation. In this way the other party doesn't need to get involved for oneself to heal.